


Miss, Miss, Hit

by PleaseDontFindThisMom



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Peter Parker, Awkward Flirting, But only because the other party doesn't realize they are being flirted with, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone being obvious, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, No Underage Sex, No actual sex, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Canon Compliant, Or At Least I Tried, Pity Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:59:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDontFindThisMom/pseuds/PleaseDontFindThisMom
Summary: “Let’s have sex.”One room over Steve spit out his drink.Or otherwise know as the time everyone was dense as fuck
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peter Parker, Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	Miss, Miss, Hit

**Author's Note:**

> Me: How about I start writing one of those billion long fics I have been planning
> 
> Me to myself: Write another one-shot

The hotel room was nice. Cozy. Extravagant. The view was breathtaking, the mini fridge packed with over priced but good champagne in it and the bathroom seemed to be ripped off of some luxury magazine. The king sized bed was soft as a cloud and you and your worst enemy could have slept on it without either of you realizing the other even existed, that’s how big it was. Peter looked at Tony who had sunk into one of the armchairs - armchairs that were probably comfortable enough to sleep on - and sighed. He loved Tony to bits but he wasn’t the one he wanted to share this room with.

“Tony.” 

The older man let out a grunt that could have meant anything but in this case meant either ‘listening but tired’, ‘fuck off’ or ‘I’m pretending to listen’. Peter was going to assume Tony meant the first one.

“Let’s have sex.”

One room over Steve spit out his drink.

  
  
  


The two super soldiers looked each others in the eyes, searching the other one for any clues for what to do, before simultaneously walking up to the wall they shared with Tony and Peter’s room. Pressing their ears against it (even when they knew they could hear with relative ease from the other side of the room) they set to wait.

It was shocking to hear Peter suggest sex to Tony because as far as Steve and Bucky were aware the two shared almost familial relationship. In fact if Peter had been any younger he would no doubt see the older man as a father figure. Yet there he was suggesting sex.

Tony must have been just as surprised if the silence was anything to go by. “Say again?”

Loud sigh. “Let’s have sex.”

Steve and Bucky didn’t dare to make a sound in the following silence. “I could have sworn you didn’t like me like that - I mean, everyone wants to have sex with me, that’s just-”

“No I don’t like you like that.”

Sigh of relief. “Thank god.”

“That’s rude.”

“I like someone else and you know it.”

Another sigh. “I know.”

Steve contemplated moving out to the hallway and listening from behind the room door but that would have gained the wrong kind of attention and this way they ran a smaller risk of being caught - if Peter didn’t try to listen in on them that is.

“I feel like I’m missing something.”

“God, look- We are sharing this room.  _ We _ . That is a pretty clear sign we are out of luck, never going to happen, sayonara and all that. So we can have sex instead.”

“Doesn’t sound healthy.”

“We risk our lives on a daily basis. And some harmless no strings attacked, friends with benefits sex never hurt anybody.”

“I think they made several movies about how it does.”

“Whatever.”

“Look- for pity’s sake, I could be your father.”

“And that’s why it’s just sex, not a freaking relationship.”

“Your priorities are screwed.”

“Tonyyy, I function better when satisfied and you know you would enjoy it.”

“Don’t try to make me compliment you.”

“Ass.”

There was some shuffling and then groan.

“Move.”

“You know you want it.”

“ _ Pete. _ ”

“You are hard already.”

“You are grinding on my lap.”

Had Steve been drinking, he would have spit out his drink again. But he wasn’t, so he didn’t. However, coincidentally, Bucky was. And since he was, he did.

“You aren’t usually so reclusive about having casual sex.”

“Usually it isn’t with one of my closest friends. Scratch that, you are the closest. Well, after Bruce, Pepper and Rhodey.”

“So not closest. And our friendship is plenty strong enough to survive consensual pity fuck.”

“Don’t call it pity fuck, we are sad enough already.”

“It is tho. We are just both the pitiful party.”

Steve wished there had been room or two between theirs and Peter and Tony’s so maybe they wouldn’t be listening. Thinking about it, they definitely shouldn’t be listening. Bucky looked like he was regretting all his life choices from enlisting to now, a sentiment Steve shared, but neither moved away from the wall.

Steve focused again on the voices on the other side of the wall. “So?”

“...”

“You know you can say no but we both know we would not only enjoy it, we almost need it.”

“... Okay, sure, you are right. It won’t make tomorrow any easier but definitely take the edge of bitterness off.”

“So you are saying yes?”

“Take out the champagne, this will be easier drunk.”

Airy laughter filled the other side of the wall which made both Steve and Bucky finally back away from it. Bucky didn’t seem to register there was water running down his chin and Steve didn’t point it out. Steve didn’t seem to register that his shirt was soaked with water. Bucky didn’t point it out either. The super soldiers made their way to their king sized bed and collapsed on it as if their strings had been cut off, looking up at the ceiling without seeing anything.

Bucky was the first one to move, turning his head to look at Steve. “Did you think-”

“That they would end up having sex? No. Not at all.” Brief pause and then Steve snorted. “Makes you wonder why we went on this mission at all. I mean, Tony and Peter could have both done this solo no problem.” Bucky didn’t have a good answer to that so he said nothing.

Silence surrounded them again. The only movement made in the following hours is to cover their head with pillows when very identifiable noises pierced through the silence.

The pillows don’t help, not really.

  
  
  


> _ “Who's gonna room with who?” _
> 
> _ “How about Tony and Steve and you and me?” _
> 
> _ “Excellent idea, works for me.” _
> 
> _ “I thought you two would be more comfortable together, being so close?” _
> 
> _ “Hmm… So how about me and Steve and you and Tony?” _
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> _ “I like someone else and you know it.” _
> 
> _ “I know.” _
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> _ “We are sharing this room. We. That is a pretty clear sign we are out of luck, never going to happen, sayonara and all that.” _
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> _ “Makes you wonder why we went on this mission at all. I mean, Tony and Peter could have both done this solo no problem.” _

Bucky shot awake (not that he had been actually sleeping), raising his head from the pillow so absurdly his neck almost snapped. He hit Steve who shot up (not that he had been actually sleeping either) with an utmost look of betrayal on his face.

  
“They were coming on to us!” Bucky hissed, eyes wide and hair all over the place but mind clearer than ever. Steve looked confused for about five seconds before a look of realization dawned on his face. Both men rose to a sitting position, mirroring one another so perfectly it was almost eerie. They just stared, faces blank, before Steve spoke up.

  
“So what now?”

  
  
  


“So, is it too late to correct my mistake?”

Peter turned to face Bucky, confusion coming off of him in waves. The mission had gone off without a hitch and they had just arrived back to the hotel for one more night before they would fly all the day tomorrow back to the states. “Huh?”

Bucky smirked, eyes glimmering and Peter cried inwardly. “My mistake in not rooming with you. If the sounds last night are anything to go by I definitely did make a mistake there when choosing to room with Steve instead of you.”

Realization didn’t come to Peter too fast but when it does, it hits him hard. It felt like his whole face was burning. From the corner of his eye he could see Tony freezing up and looking off into the distance, the faraway look haunted. Steve was standing next to the man, sly smirk on his face. Like from far away or underwater Peter heard Bucky say something (“Don’t you agree Steve?”) and Steve answer something (“One hundred percent. I know I regret it.”). Peter made an inelegant choking sound somewhere in his throat. “You heard that then?” Bucky’s grin widened but Tony must have gotten his brain back online because he was the one answering.

  
“How did you not realize they could hear us? You have enhanced hearing yourself!” Peter narrowed his eyes and pointed accusatively.

“I don’t usually have to worry about anyone else with super hearing! And you didn’t realize yourself, you!” Tony looked scandalized, almost offended (all fake the other three could tell) and stepped closer to the shorter man.

“Take that back Parker.” Peter’s dread melted into a teasing smile.

“Make me.”

The teasing continued until they arrived back at their room, neither noticing the two super soldiers stuck in their places as they left the lobby.

  
  
  


> _ “So, is it too late to correct my mistake?” _
> 
> _ “Huh?” _
> 
> _ “My mistake in not rooming with you. If the sounds last night are anything to go by I definitely did make a mistake there when choosing to room with Steve instead of you. Don’t you agree Steve?” _
> 
> _ “One hundred percent. I know I regret it.” _
> 
>   
>    
> 

Tony shot out from the shower with only a towel hazardly wrapped around his waist. Peter looked over with a questioning look on his face from where he was lying down on the bed.

Tony’s face was deadly serious which was a lot more unnerving than Peter was ready to admit. Just as he was about to ask what was going on the older man locked eyes with him and opened his mouth to all but shout: “They were coming on to us!”

Confusion filled Peter before he caught on. Look of horror made it’s way on his face as he flopped back down on the bed with a groan. Tony didn’t say anything else and just stood there in the middle of the room with only a towel on. Both ignored the shower that was still on.

Finally Peter looked up. “What now?” This snapped Tony into action, the man hurrying over, grabbing the shorter by his shoulders and shaking.

“Now you are going over and say it’s not too late to fix his mistake. Go. Now!” When Peter’s brain finally processed what was being said he stood up - sharply enough to knock Tony down - and rushed out of the room without an ounce of care that he was currently clad in only pajamas. Unflattering pajamas that consisted of too big and old band t-shirt and old shorts than not only threatened to fall of at any moment but also were shapeless enough to rid him of any sex appeal he might have. Breathing hard from the barely ten meter sprint Peter knocked on the door of Steve and Bucky’s room. There was some rustling around before Steve opened the door, face curious and open.

Peter’s voice was close to wobbling. “It’s not too late to fix your mistake.” Steve blinked slowly, slowly enough for Peter to collect himself. “Oh for God’s- move! Go! Tony’s waiting!” He didn’t actually have to yank the American icon out of the way for the blonde did get himself moving with something between a tender and smug smile on his face. Peter looked as Steve entered his  _ old _ room before turning to face Bucky. He and Steve must have been watching TV if the opened television and the soldier sitting in front of it were anything to go by. Peter stepped into the room, a smile bleeding onto his face to match the one on Bucky’s. 


End file.
